Powerless: A Lesson on How to Take Control

Have you ever felt powerless?  Completely and totally powerless.  Like you are suffocating from the inside out.  You have no idea which way is up or how you could possibly move forward.  Have you felt this way?  I have.

Lives Completely Changed

About two months ago, our lives completely changed.  In a matter of seconds and a dozen words, our world turned upside down.  I want to be clear that I’m not pretending to be victimized here.  I also want to be clear that this post isn’t about the merits of my husband’s words.  What I will say is that while he should have known better, his words were taken out of context.  Many people used those words as an opportunity for self-gain.  By posting, re-posting and writing articles about those words they perpetuated the very hate they were pretending to put down.  I will not pretend to know their intentions or say that these actions in and of themselves speak to their character.  I can’t know and truthfully, I don’t think it’s useful.

What I do know with absolute certainty is that all those people, this was part of their lives for mere moments.  And they have moved on.  This city as a whole has forgotten.  Those words are old news.  But my husband and I, we’re still living it every day.  And honestly, that’s okay.  It fucking hurts and it completely sucks.  I’ve cried more than I ever have and I’ve slept less than I ever have.  But for every action, there is a consequence and we are dealing with ours.

Photo by Carlye

The Lesson

Here’s the thing, like many of the people mentioned above, we too have decided to use this for self-gain.  What I’m most proud of is that in all of this my children have no idea anything has changed.  The kids see that Daddy works from home now.  They see that Mommy and Daddy have started a new business together.   And now they see us working tirelessly in our 9-5 job, and then into hours of the night and the early hours of the morning. Our kids now actually see us working.  On this.  The Complete Mama.

This moment it seems appropriate to say that if you take issue with my husband’s words, the answer is to talk to us directly about it.  If you’re not sure what I’m referring to then that’s okay too, and honestly, the words themselves aren’t that important just what happened after- the “lesson”.  If you won’t talk to us directly about it, then quite frankly you’re not welcome here.  This is a place of openness and collaboration completely free of judgment or hate.  If you are not open enough to see that my husband’s words were not of hate.  Or you don’t think that it’s worth your time to begin a meaningful and open conversation.  Then this is not your place.  I’m sorry for that, not because I think your close-mind will be missed, but because I am sad for you and your missed opportunities.

The Next Chapter

From a dozen life-changing words and hours of suffocating powerlessness came The Complete Mama.  We are still a blimp.  We are tiny.  Haven’t even begun the really good stuff yet.  But we have begun.   Simply because we realized that the really cool thing about being powerless is that it highlights the things you do have control over.

We have both spent thousands upon thousands of hours.  Blood.  Sweat.  Tears.  Building our personal careers.  Then it occurred to us, what if we put all of that energy into this?  Something we feel truly passionate about.  Something we are really good at.  We feel passionate about building others, about helping others achieve their goals.  And we’re really good at that. Really fucking good.  We are a mom and a dad, but we’re not just that.  By nature, we are coaches and we love it.  Which, incidentally, I think also makes us a really good mom and a really good dad.  Not perfect.  Not done.  Just really good.  And really fucking passionate.

In 5 years I plan to look back at this post and think, “aww I was so cute” as I sit on top of my empire.  Really.  My collaborative, inclusive ass kicking coaching network.  It’s true because I have been given the really horrible amazingly eye-opening opportunity to see the things I can control and take hold of.  And take hold of I will.  Hell hath no fury like a woman whose family was messed with.

Have you ever felt powerless?  Completely and totally powerless.  Like you are suffocating from the inside out.  You have no idea which way is up or how you could possibly move forward.  Have you felt this way?  Yes?  Follow me.

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