Being a [Step] Mom: Grit

I recently discussed optimism. And grit. Relentless optimism, relentless grit to be specific. Really you cannot, or should not, have one without the other. Because here’s the thing; life is hard and the only way to survive it is with your head up constantly looking on the bright side, while always being capable of kicking ass. Grit. It’s not easy to acquire. It takes heartbreak and practice.   It requires any ego you had to vacate. … Continue Reading →

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Being a [Step] Mom: Why Can’t my Kids Close Anything?!

I’ve thought a lot lately, for various reasons, about what I really want to teach my kids. I don’t want to control every little thing they do. First, that’s exhausting. Second, more importantly, it’s just not effective. My kids have to fail and struggle and piss me off to learn. As a good friend reminded me, I’m not raising “good kids” but “good adults”. I really want my kids to be productive members of society. … Continue Reading →

Being a [Step] Mom: Practice Relentless Optimism

How do you do it? Not crawl up in a ball and hide when it’s really tough? How do you keep your wits about you? Practice grace? Humility? Yes, you. I’m asking you. I sure as fuck do not have the answers. I’m sorry. The thing is I’m not sure I’m doing any of it right. This whole stepmom thing. This mom thing. How does anyone know if they’re doing it right? There’s no barometer. … Continue Reading →

Being a [Step] Mom: Have a Village

Here’s the thing, parenthood, motherhood, step-parenthood… it’s all really fucking lonely at times. When I became an instant mom I whipped out my whiny asshole card a lot. “Woe is me, nobody understands my situation.” “I just wish I could go to the bar with friends and wake up hungover without tiny humans crawling on me.” It’s the classic, “if I knew then, what I know now” conundrum. Only here’s the thing, as I’ve learned, … Continue Reading →

Being a [Step] Mom: How I Lost Sight of My Identity

Arguably the most disappointing thing I ever said to my father was, “I’m just going to marry my career.” He was driving me to the airport for one of my many work trips back then.  This was 5 years ago.  I had recently gotten out of my only other really serious relationship, had just bought a house and was elbow deep in building my career.  (Notice I said 5 years ago btw?  We are about … Continue Reading →